How to live without you?

And when I needed you the most, you left me.

You taught me how to survive alone but I don't know when, admist learning that, suddenly, I couldn't imagine surviving without you.

I hate you. I hate you so much, so much because I love you, so much.

I know what you always told me, all these bonds we make are in vain, they don't matter. 

I always knew you lied. I always knew our bond always mattered to you. 

And that made me angry. Why wouldn't you tell me that our bond is special? Why would you laugh it off when I told you how much you meant to me? 

Whenever I hurt, I always found you beside me. And now when you aren't? Idk what to do anymore, Idk how to wash off that wound anymore.

The world is scary again.

In the process of teaching me not to get addicted, you became the drug I couldn't live without.

In the process of teaching me to draw my own painting, you became the color I couldn't draw without.

You got angry at me for despising them. Why? After all they were the ones who made us run against each other in a race where we promised to run together in. 

They made us forget the melody to the song, we promised to join voices together in. 

I don't know how but the line we drew to protect us from the rest of the world, somehow became the line of separation between us too. 

I can't angry at you, you were the one that taught me not to. You were the one who taught me to let go.

I did let you go.

Maybe hoping you'd return for me, deep inside I knew you wouldn't. But still who was I to stop you? 

We've walked far away from that boundary of separation with new people by our side now.

Today, I'm scared again but there's no one to tell me to laugh it off. There's no one to tell me not to be scared. No one to hold me when I fall.

I hate, I hate, I HATE how I loved you so much. How I needed you so much. 

How I thought about you so much. I hate you because I love you so much.

By,

Ayindrila Mukherjee 

@_.ayi.kun._

(Hello I'm Ayindrila. I like being called Ayi. I am from Hooghly West Bengal, India. Ever since I have started learning it, I have always loved the English language.  I've loved writing and expressing myself ever since I learnt how to. Now I wish to share my thoughts with the entire world. Writing makes me happy and calm. It feels as if there's someone who's ready to listen to whatever I feel. )